Monday Night Raw -- April 29, 2008

Looking for my crack on the most recent RAW? Go to Monday Night Raw.

Oh man. Way to spoil a perfectly good episode of RAW. The insanity was kept to a minimum and we got a 30 minute main event. How could WWE mess this one up?

Well, maybe they could PULL THE PLUG on the main event. Say what? You knew that already, I know.

BTW in case you're wondering, live reports say Regal came to the ring, called the Triple H -- RKO match a no contest, then announced a Steel Cage match for Judgment Day. Go to Joey Styles Exclusive to watch Regal's announcement.

Theme of the week: Many Great Beginnings Lead to Tragic Endings.

Triple H comes out to a HUGE pop. Milks it for about 5 minutes. He really does look like a KOK (short for King of Kings, of course). He gives a little promo where he talks about his self-doubt after his surgery, his long road back, and his triumphant return. The crowd is eating it up. Then, to NOBODY's surprise, Randy Orton runs in on the promo. Triple H goads him into a rematch for tonight (but can you have a rematch of a match that didn't technically happen? Eh, we get the point, it's all good...)

I expect this will be a good match, these guys are great in-ring performers. So right now, I am looking forward to a RAW main event for once.

Diva Tag Matches -- Senseless but Entertaining

Next, the women have a little 12-woman tag match, in which only six actually wrestled - Kelly Kelly, Beth Pheonix, Melina, Victoria, Jillian, Mickie James...right? I enjoyed seeing Kelly in her Voltron boots. The match was passable. Would've been better if Hillary Clinton were involved, or if the other six divas had a purpose in this match.

Insanity Gets Fifteen Minutes of Airtime

So after this nice little piece of eye candy, JBL flabs around the ring in a squash on Robbie McAllister. He grabs the announcer headset and says he'll beat whoever wins the main event tonight, then he'll beat Cena. Riiiiight...

London and Kendrick v. Cade and Murdoch. Murdoch loses AGAIN. Cade gets pissed AGAIN. Just when you think you're going to see the same shtick for the fourth week in a row, Murdoch hops on the announcer table and sings Garth Brooks's I Got Friends in Low Places, and tells us that he'll show himself out. This comes out of nowhere. It was a pretty horrendous performance but the crowd actually started singing along.

I am at a total loss for words to explain how insane this was. Cade looks as shocked as I was. He makes a B-Line outta the ring, probably because his tag team partner sings like a mule getting a rectal exam. I'd run out too, if I could figure out what the hell was going on.

Read more about this in my Raw ReWrite, below.

Back to Sanity...But Only Relative to WWE Standards

WWE pats itself on the back for making the New York Times. Then, Super Crazy jobs to the Burchill family. Katie Lea looks HOT and she shows us some nice wrestling moves, with a sweet missile drop kick and some other nice offense. She is my new favorite Diva. Sorry Kelly...

Next segment, Todd Grisham asks RKO if he has any second thoughts about calling in his rematch tonight. What kind of nonsense is that? OF COURSE he has no second thoughts. This is insanity. Useless.

But, being the consummate pro, Orton plays along. He cranes his neck like a velociraptor from Jurassic Park about to devour that little kid, and says "NO" (duh). Silly promo but mad props on Orton for his body language. The guy is always mimicking a vicious animal of some kind, inside the ring or out. It adds a lot to the performance.

Next we have the Regal coronation. SNOOZE. Then Kennedy runs in on the promo. BRILLIANT. Kennedy as face. Good stuff. They have a nice exchange of words, Kennedy comes off as a smart ass. They schmazz a little, it's good stuff. I can't wait to see Kennedy go over on Regal.

Charisma Abounds!

Now Santino puts on a funny little promo. He says fake Italians with fake accents make him CRAZY, which is a nice ironic joke. Then, of course, he jobs to Cody in a well timed, entertaining back-and-forth match. After the match, Cartlito hits Cody from behind with a backstabber, no doubt setting up a Carlito-Cody match for next week's RAW.

Finally, we get to the Highlight reel. So far, this has been a pretty good RAW for yours truly.

Y2J comes out in a tux (huh?) and stands at a podium (huh?). What's going on?

Oh. This is clever and actually makes sense...tonight, Y2J's highlight reel is a mock oscar so Y2J can award HBK the "best actor in sports entertainment" for his fake-knee-injury-into-a-super-kick maneuver on Batista at Backlash. FUNNY STUFF as Y2J announced the other nominees. He pulls out some horrendous TV segments from the old days. Don "The Magnificent" Muraco and Mr. Fuji in Fuji General?? (I thought a porno was gonna break out). Heidenreich raping Michael Cole to the Deliverance music??? Classic. And also kinda pathetic.

HBK continues to claim he's legit hurt. Y2J taunts him some more. Crowd goes into Y2J - HBK dueling chants. Y2J calls HBK a phony. HBK is LIVID as Y2J saunters to the back. Good piece of writing, you can see two or three shades of emotions on HBK's face - anger at Y2J for mocking him, disappointment that he's had to put away two guys he didn't want to (Flair, Batista), and shame that he will never be able to put his past actions behind him...

Santino had a little backstage skit with Roddy Piper for a cheap pop. Then we get a recap of backlash leading into the main event. It's 10:30p...so I'm expecting a plug for the WWE Kids magazine any second... (see my April 16 crack for backround on this comment)

Triple H is Still a KOK -- But Vince McMahon is Off His Rocker

And FINALLY our main event. Great match (no surprise). Triple H, the KOK, is crazy over. RKO sells a major shoulder injury after missing a spear into the ring post. Triple H throws him back into the ring post for some more shoulder damage. Triple H keeps attacking the shoulder, with Orton doing a great sell job. We get some good back and forth, some near falls, some counters...and then Triple H gets Orton into a cross-face.

Hmmm. Last week, H asked his opponents to prove him wrong. This week, a cross-face submission...

ANYWHO, to spoil a great match, William Regal takes out the production manager and pulls the video.

WHAT??? WHAT GENIUS THOUGHT OF THIS ENDING???

Vince McMahon is off his rocker. This is ridiculous. We finally get a bonafide 25-minute main event from the top heel and top face on RAW, it's a great match, and Vince decides to pull the plug???

I know Vince wants to be different, and keep the fans guessing, but this one makes no sense. But I guess if anybody can piss off 5 million people all at the same time, and screw himself out of an overrun bump in ratings, it's Vince McMahon.

Raw ReWrite:

Trevor Murdoch sings? I'm still at a total loss for words to describe this debacle. I really think somebody told Murdoch: "Hey, Trev, the show is running 5 minutes early, can you stink up the joint with some horrendous singing that makes absolutely no sense? Our storylines are too rational and believable so far, we gotta change things up."

Was this a rib at Michael Hayes for his drunken behavior?

Well, here's my rewrite. Same old crap happens as it always does. Cade gets pissed at Murdoch. But Murdoch starts getting upset, just for a second, but then goes back to the self-pity per normal. They go backstage, end of story.

Next week, Murdoch costs the team another win. Cade gets pissed again, and we all expect him to give Murdoch all hell. But Murdoch turns on Cade and really rings his bell. I mean, all out schmazz, full on brawl. Refs have to run from the back. Murdoch spits on Cade as he's getting hauled to the back. The whole deal.

Next week, Murdoch takes the mic and says "you weren't nothing until I came along. You were floundering all over the WWE. I brought us gold. I brought us fame. Don't you come down on me for losing. You think you're the better man? I got two fists right here waiting for you to prove it."

Cade runs down the ramp and lights into Murdoch, and this time Murdoch gets the worse of it.

The next week, Regal calls them into the office. He says their conduct is despicable. It's beneath him to even acknowledge how pitiful they look. He books them in a match for Judgment Day (no gimmicks). Cade wins. Murdoch comes back the next week, says he's a sportsman, he knows when he's licked, then cheap shots Cade. More schmazz, with a blow off match that night where Cade wins again. Cade goes on for a push.

USA says WWE will broadcast the next three-hour RAW on June 23. I wonder what gimmickery they'll come up with for this one? Hmmm....Can't wait to see how the writers mess that one up...