Monday Night Raw -- August 11, 2008

What on earth was that? The Go-Home episode of Raw, leading up to the biggest PPV of the summer, and we saw about 5 minutes of wrestling and a whole lotta nonsense.

Just to put things in perspective, Mike Adamle and JBL were the best parts of the night.

Insanity.

Theme of the Week: Don't Tear Down The Talent

Show begins with Cena and Batista promo. Cena says he's been watching Batista for six years. He says Batista was trained by the best and told how to succeed. He says he didn't have that - he had to work his way up.

Batista says he's been watching Cena for six years. He admires Cena for staying true to who he is, he's seen Cena bask in standing ovations and get booed out of arenas, and he's sure that everybody under 15 years old will love to see Cena win.

What's this nonsense? Batista was handed his opportunity, and Cena is only popular with little kids?

Is that anyway to build a PPV match? Maybe I missed that in my "Promo 101: Sell Your Talent" class.

As J.R. might say on his blog, promos should build "one's" opponent up, not tear "one" down. Study a Mick Foley promo for proof.

Don't Tear Down The Talent

Next, Beth Phoenix demolishes poor Kelly Kelly. In a fit of jubilation, Santino challenges Mickie James to a match. Kofi says don't be ridiculous, but Mickie says she's game.

Santino pins Mickie James (barely). Whoop-a de do-a.

Look, I get it - Santino is funny. He's not supposed to be taken seriously in the ring. The writers are teasing Santino becoming Women's Champion.

But think about the impact on Mickie James, Kofi Kingston and Beth Phoenix. By putting the spotlight on Santino, you basically take a possibly entertaining match with an unusual stipulation and three very talented wrestlers who have credible characters, and sell it as a Santino comedy match.

We see Santino comedy matches for free every week, why would we pay for it?

How about we see Beth Phoenix and Mickie James have a strong back-and-forth, each showing their talent with their men at ringside...maybe even have Beth mix it up with Kofi at one point? Tease Beth Phoenix as the heavy, carrying Santino through the match.

Maybe the role reversal is refreshing?

Who knows, the point is, sell the talent. Santino does not have any credibility as a competitive wrestler, it's nonsense to have anybody job to him, even a woman, even with interference.

And if the writers think they can build Santino up as a guy people will pay to see get beat up, I don't think it's working. Santino's not a heel - he's comic relief.

Free Wrestling = Throw-Away Segments

Next, we get some throw-away segment with Adamle telling Kane he'll have a throw-away match against Chris Jericho, then have to hand over his burlap sack so that kids don't start carrying burlap sacks around when they go back to school.

WHA??

The only way any kid would be caught dead with a burlap sack is if it came with Spiderman logo, and last I heard, Universal nixed that idea in 2007, along with the Spiderman-brand patchouli.

I know the writers are trying to dig on the media-types who think that kids learn bad behavior from wrestling, but it just came off as goofy and not clever.

What's the point of this match, anyway? What do relationship do Jericho and Kane have with each other?

(Adamle frames the match as PPV quality, but that's silly. There are no PPV quality matches on RAW anymore, there are decent mid-card matches, contrived tag matches, and five-minute teasers that never have clean finishes.)

Next, Rhodes and DiBiase cut a wicked promo about young they are and how good they are. (I believe it). They say they might be main-eventing Wrestlemania 25, but that's a stretch. Try WM 28 or 29.

As you know from reading my other cracks, I am a big Cody Rhodes fan. DiBiase is growing on me, too. They decide to enact their rematch clause, so we'll have a Cena-Batista v/ Simply Priceless main event later.

Next, another throw-away match between Cryme Tyme and the Highlanders. Cryme Tyme goes over easily.

Ridiculous. Where's Braden Walker?

Ironically, it's JBL Who Saves Us

Then, we have the highlight of the night. CM Punk declines a drinking match with JBL. JBL basically says he won't respect CM Punk unless Punk shows him he cares more about winning than about his morals. CM Punk basically says if he did that, he'd be just like JBL, and he's not JBL, he's CM Punk.

He tosses the liquor into JBL's face, gives him a running knee into the corner, and leaves.

The promo was well-timed, well-written and well-executed. It played up Punk's face appeal and JBL's heel appeal. It gave both these guys more reason to want to fight eachother, and develops a side of the rivalry not shown before.

Don't Tear Down The Talent

The rest of the show went downhill, quickly. Even the swerves didn't make sense.

Next, Kane and Jericho wrestle for about 3 uninspiring minutes, then Adamle comes down to ringside with security, Kane gets distracted, Jericho hits the codebreaker for a pin, and runs out of the ring as Adamle enters to get Kane's burlap sack.

WTF!!!! Jericho is a three-minute throw-away match? What, he kinda-lost to JBL last week and now he's just ho-humming around in lame matches that showcase nothing about either wrestler?

Where's Lance Cade? Where's Shawn Michaels? Why do the writers want to kill all the momentum Jericho had coming off of his match with Michaels?

Ridiculous.

Even more ridiculous - we find out Kane killed Rey Mysterio, and has been carrying Rey's mask in the burlap sack. Now, this is a very creative swerve, as far as swerves go, and I'll bet the young kids are loving it -- but this is so far beyond suspension of disbelieve, it's just silly, and I can't imagine Rey and Kane could have a memorable match, and just how do you bring back Rey anyway, if he's dead??

Maybe this was an homage to Vince Russo or TNA?

Or maybe this is a way to figuratively kill the Mysterio character if he doesn't re-sign his contract? (He's holding out for more money, which is why he hasn't been on TV recently).

Whatever it is, it makes no sense, and it speaks to a dangerous escalation of violence on WWE TV in general. Frankly, I'm astonished that the police don't look into this company.

First, the assault on Vince McMahon. Next, the attempted homicide of John Cena.

Now we get premeditated murder????

Don't Tear the Talent Down

Then we have Jamie Noble jobbing to Ol' Bill Regal, who's looking as intense as ever. No Layla in sight.

Poor Jamie Noble. Weren't they building a story around him?

ANYWHO we then get our main event, Batista-Cena vs. Simply Priceless. Five minutes of the champs dominating the young kids until Cena gets distracted by Batista, and DiBiase gets a quick roll up on Cena.

This was ridiculous. Why couldn't everything that happened this week have happened last week? Was last Monday wasted?

Even more ridiculous, you have a top star, a main-eventer, a marquis name, getting pinned by the most simple pinning maneuver in the book?

Gimme a break.

I'll give credit where credit is due, this show was well executed. It seemed like it ran smoothly and nobody really did anything wrong...but the writing stunk up the joint.

It's a shame, b/c everybody seemed pretty "on" in terms of delivering the promos...the writing just made no sense to me.

Then again, I'm not a ten year old kid, and Sunday isn't my last chance to watch a WWE Pay-per-View before the school year starts and I'd have to miss the second half b/c it'd be a school night...

I guess I'm not their target audience.

Raw ReWrite

Let's start with everything except the Punk-JBL promo.

Ok, I'm done.